5 Ways I Practiced Self-Care After I Was Laid Off

5 Ways I Practiced Self-Care After I Was Laid Off Whether youve lost your job as a result of a business decision, downsizing, or even performance, it takes a serious toll on your confidence and stirs up all kinds of unpleasant emotions. Unfortunately, its likely that were going to face some kind of job loss or significant job change at one point or another in our careers. Sometimes this change reaches far beyond the scope of our individual control and comes as a surprise to us. The best we can do is be prepared to manage through this adversity and take some time to focus on ourselves. Ive worked through over 250 career transitions over the years including a couple of my own (most have been my clients). Self-care is critical to successfully getting through this time. Here are five ways I practiced self-care after I welches laid off and I think you should try them, too1. I karenzd.Losing your job can often be a big shock to your system. Sometimes we know our organization is going thr ough significant changes, but sometimes the change come as a complete surprise. Whatever the case, when the change impacts you personally, it can really hurt and take a toll on your confidence.Depending on who we are and how we react to things, we might become emotional as we react to the news. The best advice I can give here is to take a breath. If your employer is presenting you with a severance package, make sure you dont sign anything in the moment. Take the severance package away and review it a little later. Reach out to a friend or colleague that you trust and get their input. Lean on your support system and let your feelings out in this safe environment. You dont want to be embarrassed by emotional, irrational behavior in front of your former employer. Save the insanity for close family and friends (lucky them). For me, the pause welches critical because getting laid off was a very emotional experience. Taking time to breathe allowed me to have a rational and professional di scussion with my employer about severance.2. I resolved the outstanding issues with my employer, A.S.A.P.After the pause, it might still take you a few days to get your emotions back in check. Once you can get through a sentence without bursting into tears or turning red from extreme anger, youve got to get it together and close the loop on outstanding items with your employer. To take care of your own mental health, youve got to get the details resolved as quickly as possible. Having the details of a severance looming over you for days, weeks or months is simply exhausting. You owe it to yourself to close the loop so you can move on.In most cases, your employer should appreciate that this is an emotional situation and provide an appropriate deadline (a week or so) for you to get back to them on their offer of severance. If they dont give you some time to get your act together, count your blessings that you no longer work for them.So, youve done your diligence in terms of reviewing the details and terms of the severance, and you need to respond to them. I would always suggest having this conversation via email so everything is documented. Avoid the phone if you can. It can muddy the waters, especially since you dont know what might platzset off potential emotional outbursts. Make sure you get all of the details from your employer, how/when the severance will be paid, what happens to your benefits, what happens to any sort of other company programs and any additional amounts owing. Get all the information that you can to minimize any need for follow up. You likely wont want to talk to them again.3. I didnt try to find out why I was laid off.Ive heard people say time and time again that they need to understand why theyve lost their job in order to move on. They want to know what theyve done wrong, or how the employer decided that they should be the employee to exit. The fact is, a lot of time, the reason that an employer provides a severance package with you is so that they dont have to share this information with you. Quite frankly, it might even be none of your business, and part of some broader organizational plan.For me, adopting an I dont need to know attitude was the key to self-care when I was laid off. What value is there in knowing the organizations point of view, anyways? Would it really change the current situation? Probably not.4. I got into a routine.I allowed myself some time to mourn the loss of my job. For me, this was the end of the longest-term relationship I had ever had. Grieving was important, but I set myself a deadline to be sad. I cried and moped, but only for a week. At the end of the week, I started into a routine. It was summer and I wanted to take advantage of the time away from work and focus on the positives of being away from work. I got up every single morning and planned an outing with my little guy. Every day we were up, dressed and out of the house. Youd be surprised how therapeutic getting up and out can be.Getting into a new routine is critical to your career transition success. Part of establishing this routine was knowing what I would say when people asked Hows work? I actually practiced my response so I could answer confidently without stumbling or feeling insecure.5. I set an unemployment deadline.While I only allowed myself a week to be sad, we all know the grieving process has no hard and fast deadline. The reality is that, sometimes, we have to work through the emotions of things. And that can take a while. While I wasnt sitting at home and moping, I was still going through all the feels of job loss. For me, I wanted some time and space between that job and my next one. Since I was laid off in the summer, I set myself a deadline of the Fall to get on a structured job hunt. Setting parameters and clear goals for myself were really key parts of my self-care and managing my overall mental health.Job loss is hard. Period. There is no magic formula to work through the grieving p rocess and there are no voreingestellt timelines. When it comes to self-care and job loss, youve got to take a moment to reflect what will work for you. Focus on those things that give you comfort, structure and a sense of purpose. Its inside those things that you will find a transition process that is uniquely yours. On the other side of that transition is your future career success.--Shauna Cole is the Founder of Human Resources Pro. Shes got an MBA, is a Chartered Human Resources Professional and Senior Certified Human Resources Professional. A high-energy Mom of two boys, shes obsessed with finding the balance between career and mom life (and also, wine).Follow Shauna on her blog, Facebook, Instagram or Pinterest.

Resume Cover Letter Examples - a Brief Introduction

Resume titel Letter Examples - a Brief Introduction Type of Resume Cover Letter Examples Using resume samples can be exceedingly useful. Utilizing resume maker program program can even be sure that your resume makes the fitting impression. Checking out suitable examples about how to compose a resume is the ideal method to obtain the understanding of how to put one together. The One Thing to Do for Resume Cover Letter Examples Our registered nurse titelblatt letter examples are designed to assist you create or increase your own cover letter. When applying for employment, you always need to incorporate a cover letter. Perhaps the fruchtwein essential action to do in the cover letter is to deal with the letter to the appropriate person. A superb cover letter should complement you RESUME. How to Choose Resume Cover Letter Examples Quite simply, discover what you have to have in work for you to feel fulfilled and happy. For making positive effect on the recruiter, its impor tant to get a unique resume portraying your job certain details. Your work is your source of revenue and you need to never, at all probable expenses, let another individual or a little issue stop you from making money which you or your family members might need to survive. Someone loses their job but its not the particular job theyre upset about losing, its the simple fact that theyre now jobless. Whispered Resume Cover Letter Examples Secrets Importance of Resume in Job Search When youre looking for work, youll have to compose an application and send it to the organization. Only if its the case that you dont want to have the job. Saves Time whenever you are looking for a fantastic job, its always great to have a separate resume for each job. You should list your latest job at the very top and work down. Using Resume Cover Letter Examples Maybe you have received resume writing instructions sooner or later in your training. In addition, in the event where ones last job refe rence wasnt the best one, an individual might want to select the assistance of a functional resume template. Also remember that such letters cannot be written by anyone. Try to remember you dont wish to send the very same cookie cutter letter to everyone. The Little-Known Secrets to Resume Cover Letter Examples Boring works as soon as it comes to the majority of resumes. Resumes dont need to be difficult, long-winded or entirely inclusive to catch a possible employers interest. They can be used for a variety of reasons but most often they are used to secure new employment. Targeted Resume Targeted resumes are extremely much like functional resumes however here you are especially highlighting the abilities and experiences youve got for the job which youre applying for.

The Dos and Donts of Medical Billing Resume

The Dos and Donts of Medical Billing Resume When employers start looking for new employees, the objective is among the key things they search for. Locating outsourcing businesses that provide reliable medical coding services are sometimes an intricate job for healthcare entities, as numerous firms exist in the business. You will discover medical billers in every area of the medical industry such as clinics, hospitals, hospices and possibly even doctors offices. Inexperienced medical applicants may want to devote an objective next. To help you recognize how important its to get an engaging resume, consider that a variety of studies show most resumes will merely become 5-7 seconds of a recruiters time. Resumes are crucial to people that wish to construct their own careers. In short you can mention all you want to have in the organization you wished to work to bring them on good position in the industry. If youre a medical professional truly committed to offering the ideal excell ent patient care and at the identical time searching for an effective method to take care of your office jobs, then the perfect choice is to outsource to a reliable medical billing company. If you are searching for work, you may be brief on cash. There is no lack of resume making software program to select from. There are lots of jobs search sites that may supply you the very best solution for the ultimate Careers Opportunities in India. When you want to terrain that ideal job then you need to have a sternbezogen resume. You have to begin from current job to your principal job. Maybe youre searching for a fresh job, or maybe simply going after that campaign at work. Usage of effectual titles ought to be considered. The document starts with a short expert summary which is full of powerful descriptive words and verbs like efficient, and adept. You have to offer relevant, concise details. Application services are going to be throughout the internet, and that means you may atte nded across My Perfect Job application. If youre a new medical biller and are searching for an entry-level position, you need to consider the following resume sample that will direct you in what you may write to help it become useful. In the event you continue the internet you may also find Job application Layouts that will be able to help you help others using their resume. The website is stuffed with a good deal of various kinds of related resumes, prepared by the pros only. The internet site will request that you settle on a package as a means to download or maybe print your brand-new resume. To boost your chances of locating the interview, youll need to at all times customize your resume based on which usually template is easily the most appropriate to use. The template isnt hard to change. Maybe there you will discover your dream worksheet template. An easy job application template is easily the most crucial version or wide variety of a resume template that could be util ized to produce resumes for more or less any function position.Our resume builder makes it simple to create a well-written resume in a couple of minutes. Because your resume should be no longer than 1 page, you are going to want to ensure every section is concise and simple to read. Just take a couple of minutes to peruse our healthcare billing and coding specialist resume templates for a small creative inspiration. Consider these tips when choosing a medical coding company. An expert look can be accomplished by employing high excellent bond paper and black ink that is more readable. Hopefully that post it could assist you to receive data which people provide. A best selection intended for prospects with lots of experience who wish to have an extremely good one-page continue template. A medical resume example for those who have over a year or two experience should list a key achievements section rather than an objective.

What Job Seekers Need to Know About Google

What Job Seekers Need to Know About GoogleWhat Job Seekers Need to Know About GoogleCan executive recruiters find you on the Web? Make sure you know these basic truths about todays colossal search engine.How do you currently show up on the World Wide Web? Eighty-seven percent of executive recruiters use Google searches to research candidates, according to an Execunet study. Furthermore, hiring managers at Fortune 500 companies are doing the same.Managers google their employees.Clients google salespeople.Hopeful employees google their prospective managers.Today, if you dont show up in Google, you dont exist. Understanding exactly how you show up right now, will help you build the ideal plan to showcase your value.To start, assess your baseline with my companys complimentary tool - Online ID Calculator ( www.onlineidcalculator.com ) and make notenzeichen of your current online ID. Then, you will be able to see the impact of your personal-branding efforts over time.Inside tips to win o n GoogleIn researching what criteria people use to form opinions about those they google, we learned that the following factors are criticalVolumeIf someone googles you and there is a lot of content about you, she assumesyou must have accomplished something and have some info to shareRelevanceWhen the searcher looks more closely at the results Google reveals and sees that that content is relevant to and consistent with whom they believe you to be, they form a favorable opinion.Your goal, therefore, needs to be to create as much relevant and compelling content as possible. In fact, you want the first three pages of results for a search on your name to feature you prominently.Before you go onlineYou dont need to build your own Web site or launch a blog to have a powerful and authentic online brand. But before you start, you must prepare your branded career-marketing materials. This includesA branded bio that describes you and only you. (Ensure you write it in a style that showcases br and attributes that engage readers emotionally)A professional headshot (not the one your partner took of you during a recent vacation)Your list of keywords (words that connect to your area of thought leadership or expertise).Start with the basics1. Buy your domain name (even if you arent ready to have your own Web site).It costs just about $9 per year. When youre ready to build your own place on the World Wide Web, youll have the property on which to build it. You can buy your domain name at www.godaddy.com. And search for godaddy promo code before purchasing to get the latest discount offer.2. Establish yourself on LinkedIn.You can use this as your pseudo-Web site until youre ready to build one. Include a branded summary, your headshot and experience. Also join all appropriate groups (professional associations, alumni, expertise areas and so on). Once you are happy with your profile, you can start to invite your professional contacts. Obtain recommendations if possible from contact s as well.3. Establish a Google Alert for your name.Stay on top of what is being said about you on the Web. This will help you as you continue to post new content and build your brand online. www.google.com/alerts4. See whats out there.Use technorati.com to find bloggers who write about your area of expertise. Follow them for a time, and choose one or two blogs to subscribe to and read regularly. Then provide comments when you have something relevant and valuable to add. Ensure you use your name and keywords in all your posts and link back to your Blog, Web site or LinkedIn profile so people can learn more about you.Enhance and maintainOnce you have the basics and youre bolstering your real-world activities with corresponding virtual world visibility, its time to take it up a notch.Use other social-networking sites like Facebook, Ziggs, Naymz and Ziki to increase your visibility by posting versions of your bio and headshot. (Just be careful not to use the networking functions of all these sites, since that will take over your life.)Create a focused blog about a topic that relates to your area of expertise You can use blogging software like WordPress or TypePad to build a static Web site, too, if you feel you wont be able to post to your blog at least twice weekly. Not interested in hosting a platform yourself? deutsche post dhl articles, whitepapers and other materials to relevant third-party sites. To do so, research Web sites that share your target audience and are looking for content. Then, provide materials along with a brief bio and headshot and a link back to your Web site (or LinkedIn profile if you havent built a site yet).Even if you are currently virtually invisible, you can have a stellar online profile just by following these steps.And remember to continue to monitor your online ID at www.onlineidcalculator.com and subscribe to Google Alerts for your name. Google results change more frequently than the weather in New England. So stay on top of what others are learning about you.

6 Branding Tips for Job Seekers

6 Branding Tips for Job Seekers 6 Branding Tips for Job Seekers The chances are good that you, too, are abrand that companies and recruiters are buying. If youre doing it right, your brand should become the heart and soul of your career your brand should bewhat ultimately allows you to stay visible in an increasingly congestedworld.Because brands matter so much for job seekers, I want to offer some suggestions and branding tips to consider1. Be OriginalWhat makes you unique or special? Is it your voice? Height? Eye color? Athletic ability? Fluency in foreign languages? An invention or patent? Whatever it is, use it to your advantage. Can you imagine Barbara Streisand with a different nose, Jay Leno with a new chin, or Cindy Crawford without her mole?Everyone remembers the original, but the copycats abflug blending together after a while, so differentiate yourself to stand out from the pack. Be remarkable and extraordinary to grab attention and get noticed. Good is not good enough w hat makes yougreat? When you leverage what makes you unique, people will remember your authentic brand.2. Be CreativeHow do you want people to think, feel, act, or react after interacting with you vs. other candidates or classmates? What are four words that come to mind when people describe you? Are those wordshow you want to be described?As George Washington Carver once said, When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.3. Be HonestTurns out that telling the truth about what you are and are not what you can and cant do is very refreshing. Who would have thought that in 2015, brutal honesty would be the killer application?Because there are so many good candidates on the market, companies tend to hire the people they like and trust most. Let your brand be known for speaking the truth, and you will become the trusted advocate and go-to source for many. People dont always want to hear the truth, but theyll respect you for telli ng it and when theyre ready to listen, theyll remember you for it.4. Be RelevantBrands arent created in a vacuum. They require lots of attention, care, and feeding. The process of creating a brand for yourself includes developing a mission, vision, unique positioning, and so on. You must define your brand, communicate it, and review it periodically to ensure that itstays current. For example, look at Lady Gagas early years of fame when she was dressing like a crazy person (remember the dress made of meat?) vs. Lady Gaga now, the woman who pays homage toThe Sound of Musicand duets wth Tony Bennett.The branding basics mucksmuschenstill apply when the brand is you you need to have a core message, a brand promise, and visual and verbal identification and you need to fully integrate all the components. Youll need brand positioning, brand architecture, and a brand strategy to develop a promise that resonates clearly.5. Be ConsistentDevelop a cohesive message and live it every day. The r epetition reinforces your key points, so people will remember them. It takes time to build great brands no one wins Olympic gold medals, Grammy awards, Oscars, or anything of importance overnight. These things require an investment of your time and energy. Every transaction and experience is an opportunity to build trust in your brand.Make sure you are the same person online and offline, and clean up your digital dirt Hiring managers do not need to see those spring break photos or the party at the frat house with all your drunk friends, so take them down6. Be PassionateIf you remember nothing else, remember this suggestion. If you are passionate, you can overcome any shortfalls you may experience with the prior five tips.Everyone loves to work with people who are passionate about what they do passionate peoplemake life much more fun and interesting. Build your brand around what you enjoy, and remember the words of John Ruskin When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.I hope Ive convinced you that great candidate brands do in fact start with great personal brands Your brand should provide a foundation to help you connect with companies looking to hire. Never forget that you are your brand, so you must live it 24/7

How to Use Nonverbal Communication in Hiring

How to Use Nonverbal Communication in HiringHow to Use Nonverbal Communication in HiringHave you ever made up your mind about a job candidate based on the way he sat in your lobby? Did you confirm that opinion when he walked across the room and shook your hand? Awareness of nonverbal communication and the messages job searczu sichs send does influence your evaluation of job candidates and it should. Aside from protected characteristics such as gender, race, and weight, you can learn a lot about your prospective employee from their nonverbal communication. Youll want to watch for nonverbal signals that tell you about the parts attitude, outlook, interests, and approach. They speak louder than the verbal communication during the interview process. The nonverbal communication helps you confidently assess each candidates credentials with regard to the skills necessary to do the job,behavioral characteristics you have identified as necessary for success in the job, andculture and environ ment of your organization. These are examples of nonverbal communication you need to pay attention to and hear. You can believe what you see first impressions matter. First Impressions The first few minutes in an interview drumherbeium are so important that almost nothing else matters. You take a look at the candidate and note all of the nonverbal messages she is communicating. You form impressions from the candidates posture, handshake, outfit and accessories, space usage, attentiveness, eye contact, and facial expressions. And, then you listen to what she has to say in response to your questions. Posture and Space Usage Is your candidate sitting comfortably yet upright, but not stiffly, in his chair? Does he walk with self-assured ease? Hes likely confident and comfortable with himself. Slouchy posture speaks loudly about sloppy work and low self-esteem. A posture that enables an individual to take up the appropriate amount of space in the room tells you that the applicant is secure in his abilities. Sloppy posture gives the impression of low energy and carelessness. Pay attention. Handshake Notice whether your candidate has a firm, dry, solid handshake. Again, a confident, comfortable person uses the handshake as a positive nonverbal interaction. The handshake should assure you of the candidates desire for a positive first interaction and impression. A limp handshake signals low confidence and low self-esteem. An excessively strong handshake may tell you the person is overly aggressive or trying to steamroll you. Clothing and Accessories No matter how informal your work environment, a professional job candidate needs to wear a suit for her first meeting. The selected outfit tells you how well the candidate will interact with and be perceived by customers. The chosen accessories either telegraph professionalism or they dont. A briefcase, a leather portfolio, a nice pen, leather purse, and shined shoes present a solid, professional appearance . They tell you the candidate cared enough to want to make a good first impression. Makeup, perfume, and jewelry, worn tastefully, can add to your perception of their professionalism. Dirty fingernails or scuffed shoes tell you the person is careless, too hurried, or unaware of the impression they have on others. Not good. Alternatively, if the candidate attempted to look polished and professional for the interview and doesnt this is likely as good as it gets. Decide what works for your organization, and make your best selection. The candidates chosen clothing and accessories are a form of powerful nonverbal communication. Listen when hiring. Attentiveness, eye contact, body language, and facial expressions arenonverbal communicationsthat can tell you much about the candidates you consider hiring. Attentiveness and Eye Contact Watch the listening and interactive behavior of your candidate. He should act as if he is engaged by leaning slightly forward in his chair to close some of the distance between himself and the interviewer. You want to hire a candidate who can comfortably put his portfolio on your desk to take notes, yet not take up too much of your space. You want an employee who can maintain comfortable eye contact without staring or forced attentiveness. If the candidate spends the interview with his eyes moving all over the room, rarely looking at you, this can signal a lack of confidence or worse he doesnt care. Long, forced eye contact can indicate an overly aggressive person who does not care about your comfort. And, if he doesnt care about your comfort during the interview, that behavior wont get better when you hire him. Listen also to the candidates responses to your questions. Did he hear your question? Did he answer succinctly and share stories, or ramble incessantly off topic? The former tells you he prepared for the interview and has success stories to share. The latter signals unprepared, ill-at-ease, or that he didnt care enough to pay attention. Facial Expressions and Body Language What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say, said Ralph Waldo Emerson in one of my favorite quotations. And, nothing is as communicative as the facial expressions and body language of your candidates. Whole books have been written interpreting facial expressions and body language. The key to listening to their nonverbal communication is whether their facial expressions and body language match the words spoken. Facial expressions that fail to match the words spoken can indicate serious discomfort or lying neither desirable behaviors in a candidate. A candidate that never makes eye contact and talks to a spot over your shoulder is uncomfortable and demonstrating a lack of confidence. You want to hire an employee whose facial expressions are consistent with and punctuate her words. Body language speaks loudly, too. Is the candidate leaning back in his seat with his legs crossed at the knee? Hes too relaxed for an interview setting. Has he taken over your whole desk with his arms and accessories? Hes overly aggressive. Does he lean back with his hands crossed behind his head? It is aggressive interview behavior in the extreme. Dont expect less aggressive behavior if you hire him. If the candidate makes a statement and looks away from you or appears nervous, shes probably not telling the truth. If she stares into your eyes as she tells her story, she may be fabricating. If she taps her pen constantly, twists her jewelry at the end of every sentence, strokes her hair every few minutes, she is sending all sorts of messages about her discomfort with the interview setting or with her skills and abilities in general? Its hard to tell. Listen to what they are not saying. Conclusion Interviewing andhiring peoplewho will begreat employeeswhofit well in your organizationis a challenge. Listening to the nonverbal communication of your candidates can tell you as much about the candidates as their sp oken words, their references, and their experience. Nonverbal communication matters.

Your fear of looking stupid is making you look stupid

Your fear of looking stupid is making you look stupidYour fear of looking stupid is making you look stupidAccording to psychological research, the greatest emotional need is security.Who doesnt want to be liked?Yet, trying to be liked and living in alignment with your goals and values often conflict. That is if youre trying to be liked by everyone.John Lennon once said, Trying to please everybody is impossible - if you did that, youd end up in the middle with nobody liking you. Youve just got to make the decision about what you think is your best, and do it.Wanting approval and needing approval are two very different things. We all want approval. But when you need itYou come off as desperateYou say yes to stuff that clearly doesnt resonateYou lack an internal compassYour relationships are co-dependent, one-sided, surface-level, and bound to fall fremdlndisch at some future pointYour need for approval has you eating unhealthy foods you dont want to eat.It has you working on projects youre not excited about.It has you ruminating and obsessing about problems and regrets you could easily remove or fix.Joyce Meyer, in her book, Approval Addiction Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone, explains that the need for approval stems from insecurity, which is often the product of some form of abuse - physical, verbal or emotional.The addiction for approval is fueled by unhealthy emotionsguiltshameangerNone of these emotions are a healthy foundation for creating relationships with yourself or other people.If you want to live a life of purpose, youll need to let go of your need for approval. Youll need to be willing to follow your gut. To express your views. To be honestHealthy relationships involve conflict and differencesWhere are you NEEDING approval in unhealthy ways?It is there if youll be honest with yourself. Rather than sending a text or email, actually call or meet with that person. dessin the courage to have a real conversation and express your feelings.This is practice. But its also self-care and self-love. If you truly love and respect yourself, youll deal with the difficult emotions of learning to honestly express yourself. If you do not do this, you will inevitably repeat the pattern in the future.Your time on this planet is very brief. It shouldnt be spent doing what you hate. It shouldnt be lived in fear of what others think.Relationships can be so deep and genuine and real. Conflict, it turns out, is one of the surest paths to intimacy.When two people feel safe and comfortable in a relationship, theyre willing to have honest and sometimes difficult conversations. Theyre willing to disagree. They dont have to see eye-to-eye on all things. In fact, they shouldnt.When conflict arises, its not about the relationship, but about getting clarity and moving forward with whatever they are working on.Your security should be internalAn abundance mentality springs from internal security, not from external rankings, comparisons, opinions, posses sions, or associations. - Stephen R. CoveySecurity is the greatest human need. Yet, security should be internal. Even when things are falling apart externally, you need to be willing to trust yourself. Of course, you need good friends to help and support you. But until your security is internal, youll never be able to be fully honest in your relationships in the first place.Youll be tossed to and fro with every external situation around you.You cant actually give genuine service or gifts if youre desperately needing approval from others. Because anything you give to them is really to gain something for yourself - approval. Its desperate and unhealthy.Hence, Covey explained that abundance comes from being internally secure.As Jody Williamson, one of the top salesmen in the United States, teaches his employees, you must believe you are independently wealthy, and that you dont NEED this particular prospect.When you truly believe and know you are fine and secure without THIS relationsh ip or THIS opportunity, then you can act honestly and genuinely. You wont come off desperate. If it doesnt work out, youll keep going. Life is fine. Ironically, this is also how to get into a flow, be present, and perform at your highest level.Only in this way will you attract the opportunities and relationships that resonate with the person you intend to become.Its okay to look stupid at 99% of lifeYour fear of looking stupid is making you look stupid. - RuPualHilariously, people avoid asking for advice because they dont want to look incompetent. Yet, research from Harvard Business School found that when you ask people for help, directions, or advice, it actually makes other people believe youre MORE competent.If you tell people, no, theyll be initially hurt but will respect you more.Memory is very short (this will be forgotten)Short-term memory has a fairly limited capacity it can hold about seven items for no more than 20 or 30 seconds at a time. - Science.howstuffworksPeople hav e very short memories. Almost every experience you have youll permanently forget within 30 seconds. Like, youll never recall it.Think about all the things youve done today. Most of it youll never recall.When you ask someone for advice, theyll quickly forget about it.When you get rejected by someone, theyll quickly forget it. As will you.When you reject an opportunity, both of you will likely forget about it.The point is, seeking the wrong approval is extremely costly. And avoiding the wrong approval is very cheap. Because if you do it kindly, the relationship will actually be strengthened, and both parties will quickly forget about it anyways.Seeking the wrong Golden StarsWho is giving you stupid Gold Stars in life? And what are they costing you? - Craig BallantyneNeeding approval puts you in a position of seeking the wrong golden stars, in life.Does it feel good to have someones approval? Of course. But it also feels terrible getting the wrong peoples approval because youre interna lly conflicted.In such cases, you actually resent the person youre seeking approval from. How messed-up is this?Rather than seeking stupid golden stars of approval, Craig Ballantyne recommends asking yourselfWho should I be seeking approval from?Who are the people I really want to be serving?Who are the people I really want to be working with?You cant please everyone.If a writer tries to please everyone, they will have no audience.If a person tries to please everyone, they will have no genuine relationships. All relationships will be transactions. Conversely, transformational relationships can only happen when all parties are givers, who genuinely want to be there and are not constantly keeping score. All parties need to be healthily independent of the relationship so they can create interdependence where transformation and growth can happen.Quantity is the path to qualityIts better to be prolific than perfect. - Joe PolishIf you want to get good at something, you cant NEED approval from other people. The people who matter will love you anyways.Youre going to need to fail a lot.In the book Originals, Adam Grant explains that originals (i.e., people who create innovative work) are not reliable. In other words, not everything they produce is extraordinary.For example, among the 50 greatest pieces of music ever created, six belong to Mozart, five are Beethovens, and three Bachs. But in order to create those, Mozart wrote over 600 songs, Beethoven 650, and Bach over 1,000.Similarly, Picasso created thousands of pieces of art, and few are considered to be his great works. Edison had 1,900 patents, and only a handful we would recognize. Albert Einstein published 248 scientific articles, only a few of which are what got him on the map for his theory of relativity.If Mozart welches concerned about the approval of others for every piece he wrote, he wouldnt have written so many. His perfectionism would have created procrastination.Perfectionism isnt about you. Its abou t an unhealthy need for approval. Its about a fear of failure and looking incompetent. Its the opposite of courage. And its the opposite of mastery.This article originally appeared on Medium.